Independence.
Noun: the ability to live your life without being helped or influenced by other people.
There is an illusion being forced upon us, an illusion so subtle, so sly that we don’t even realize that we are slowly being made a slave to its ways. This illusion is the illusion of independence. You might ask why I refer to it as an illusion? I say this because no matter how hard we try we will never be truly independent of others or other things.
Before I elaborate on my statement let me qualify that I see independence as having two main facets. The first is independence from tyranny on a governmental scale, a group of ‘Freedom Fighters” would for example fight for freedom from the tyranny of a neighboring country, who forces it’s own laws and terror onto their beloved country. The independence they fight for is to have rule over their own country and enjoy peace and prosperity as they build towards a common good and not the benefit of a single tyrannical person. This, for me, is the true sense of independence. The right and freedom to build a life in peace and unity with man and God and enjoy the spoils of ones own labor.
I believe though that there is another kind of independence that has sprung up in the last half-century or so, this illusion of independence that is slowly destroying us. This independence is not independence on a governmental scale, but on a personal scale. It is subtly wrapped up in the clear cellophane of a microwave dinner for one, or the meticulously thought out advert that tells you that you don’t need anyone, all you need is this fancy new perfume and your life will be complete. It is found in the desire to watch hours and hours of series on our laptop on our own, in the dark. You see this illusion of independence had led us to believe that we are fine on our own, that we don’t need anybody. As long as I am happy with my nice little white picket fence, my bonsai tree’s (this is not meant as a stab at Bonsai cultivators) and my TV shows then why should I need anyone else?
There was a time once when community meant something; being apart of a community and doing ones part to benefit that community. I for one don’t even know the names of my neighbors in my apartment block, is that all in the name of independence? So that I can feel some measure of control over my life because I don’t have to be vulnerable and step out of my comfort zone. Each time I walk through the apartment block I live in all I see is the flickering of light flashes through the blinds of my neighbors living room windows as they immerse themselves in hours of TV shows, no dinner around the table, each person in their separate room. This is a sad state of existence, if this is what independence looks like I want to have nothing to do with it. Where are the dirty dishes piling in the sink, the spent wine bottles, the coffee stains on the rug, the hours of laughter spent in community, spent with friends?
I say it is a shameful thing to want to live your life “without being helped or influenced by other people”. I have to ask myself, when last did I make a new friend? Not just an acquaintance that I greet on occasion in the frozen food section, but when last did I make a friend that I actively and intentionally find out what that person enjoys, or where they go when they are sad, or what their favorite meal is.
Is this the kind of independence that our forefathers fought so hard for, did they fight against tyranny so that we could all be comfortable in our safe shells, never really touching or making a difference in someone’s life? I imagine them to be turning in their graves thinking to themselves, “That’s not independence, that is lonliness.”
Is it such a frightful thing to be dependent on someone or something? There is a fine line between identity and dependence, if our identity is wrapped up in our dependence then I would say we are in for a tough time, but if we are secure in our identity and in ourselves then I would say that dependence is a very important natural part of our existence. To know that we can call on a close friend at any time of the day or night and they will be there in a flash with tub of Ben & Jerry’s and warm shoulder to cry on is a very comforting thing.
If that is dependence I will take it over the ‘neat-cellophane-wrapped-microwave-dinner-for-one-while-some-talk-show-host-shelters-me-from-the-reality-of-my-miserable-existence’ any day. You see we have come to the place where we are always bottling up, always withdrawing, never processing emotions, never really letting people in to help us out. No, that would be weak, which would mean I am dependent on something or someone and we can’t have that. What happened to us? No wonder society at large is hell bent on independence. We have used independence as a scapegoat, as a means of justifying our perpetual need to not be vulnerable in anyway for fear of appearing weak.
We see independence as freedom, freedom from really dealing with our issues. It makes sense, it is way more easy to burry my depression in 160 minute feature film filled with excitement, explosions and anticipation, only to return to reality after the credits have rolled up, and the sorry truth that no amount of entertainment can fill that void we constantly feel within us. This kind of independence isn’t freedom, it is slavery, and slavery breeds anxiety. Malcolm X said, "you cannot separate peace and freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom." True peace comes from true freedom, freedom to be truly open and truly vulnerable when we are struggling, freedom to rely on others for help, freedom to be influenced in a positive way by those close to us. Earlier I said that I believe no matter how hard we try we will never be truly independent of others and other things, I say that because I believe within each and every one of us there is an innate desire for love, for acceptance and for a sense of belonging.
Jodi Picoult put it perfectly when she wrote in Second Glance:
“Heroes didn't leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an outstretched hand; they didn't wear boots and capes. They bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening, or loving. Heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. And maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue you right back.”
Let us throw off independence, let us be those heroes of listening, of loving. Let us look to rescue in the hope that we ourselves can also be rescued. Let us be dependent on one another, and in so doing allowing others to be dependent on us.
