"It is not imitation that makes sons. It is sonship that make imitators." Martin Luther
Why did it blow my mind? You see God has really been taking me through the grinder lately and focusing on bringing a healing and recalibrating how i see myself in Him and how i believe He see's me, basically my identity. Because of various circumstances growing up I carried an unhealthy view of my identity into my adult years, but through some loving father figures and some eina 'klapuccinos' with them :) God has begun a work to heal these cracked lenses I have been looking at myself and others through. At first I wanted to fight, you see the way I observed how to deal with conflict as a young boy was if there is a perceived threat you hit hard and you hit first, incapacitating the threat and thereby averting any further conflict. This filtered into most of my interactions with people, for example I would be corrected on a piece of behaviour that might not have been appropriate or fitting and instead of taking it calmly and adjusting I would perceive it as an attack, a threat that needed to be fought and nullified. This helped me to lose friends and win enemies. I began to view a correction or discipline as an attack on my character which often left me with feelings of lonliness as I tried to separate myself from the conflict and from any potential threat by avoiding family, friends or authority figures and by keeping everyone at an arms length, never allowing anyone close enough to penetrate my walls of protection (read seclusion).
You see I was living like an orphan. Perceiving rejection, but rejecting first before I could be rejected. Then God began to shine a light into my heart, as father figures began to speak truth to me over almost a 10 year period, which started on a couch in Anthony Meek's living room in 2005 and is still carrying on today. It was tough, there was tears, weakness, it was foreign, it was vulnerable, i hated being vulnerable, i tried to fight it but who can stand against the power of God, against the loving patience of His saints, against the shear redeeming force of His love? Like Jacob wrestled with God, I too attempted to wrestle although in my case it was not for blessing, but rather to remain comfortable. To not face the pain or heartache, to leave it buried, trying to convince myself I was ok all the while having it fester beneath the surface. I believe most people know where they need help or breakthrough but never take hold of it because there is something in our nature that once we are comfortable, even in pain, we will fight to stay there.
So because I was viewing my identity in God through a cracked lense I began to 'approach' Him as my lense believed was best. I read Ephesians 5:1 which says to be imitators of God... Cool, I thought, I can do that! So I set about trying to imitate God with every fibre of energy and zeal within me. The trouble is I was trying to become a son through imitation, obedience and zeal which in itself is works and a serious lack of faith. It is an attitude of having to earn my sonship, my adoption as God's son when in fact He was calling me to faith, faith that I was already His son, that my identity as His child was secure and not based on works. I was trying to live out the first part of Ephesians 5:1 without considering the second part. Yes, be an imitator of God, but be an imitator AS beloved children and not SO we can be beloved children. I can imitate God, because I am His son. I am not His son because I imitate Him, there is a massive difference.
"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma." Ephesians 5:1
